discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
