My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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