I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
