you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
