it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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