i was rollin on her like bob the builder
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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