im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
