I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
two words: eviction party
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
