Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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