I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
