So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
