Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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