can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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