yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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