Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
