To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
