is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
