I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
