remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
