I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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