i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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