Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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