Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
