So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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