Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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