R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
