it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
