We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
