Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
