I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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