i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
