I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
