Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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