Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
