Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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