explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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