I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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