Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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