No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
