so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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