May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
