So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
