I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
