We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
