My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
