i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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