At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
