I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
