I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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