I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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