she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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